FOOTNOTES

ToFrivolityThehistoricalconsistencyof1601indicatesthatTwainmusthavegiventhesubjectconsiderablethought。TheauthorwascarefultospeakonlyofmenwhoconceivablymighthavebeenintheVirginQueen’sclosetandengagedindiscoursewithher。

THECHARACTERS

Atthistime（1601）QueenElizabethwas68yearsold。Shespeaksofhavingtalkedto\"oldRabelais\"inheryouth。ThismighthavebeenpossibleasRabelaisdiedin1552，whentheQueenwas19yearsold。

AmongthoseinthepartywereShakespeare，atthattime37yearsold；BenJonson，27；andSirWalterRaleigh，49。Beaumontatthetimewas17，not16。HewasadmittedasamemberoftheInnerTemplein1600，andhisfirsttranslations，thosefromOvid，werefirstpublishedin1602。

Therefore，ifonewereholdingstrictlytotheyeardate，neitherbyagenorbyfamewouldBeaumonthavebeeneligibletoattendsuchagatheringofaugustpersonagesintheyear1601；butthepointisunimportant。

THEELIZABETHANWRITERS

IntheConversationShakespearespeaksofMontaigne’sEssays。Thesewerefirstpublishedin1580andsuccessiveeditionswereissuedintheyearsfollowing，thethirdvolumebeingpublishedin1588。\"InEnglandMontaignewasearlypopular。ItwaslongsupposedthattheautographofShakespeareinacopyofFlorio’stranslationshowedhisstudyoftheEssays。Theautographhasbeendisputed，butdiverspassages，andespeciallyoneinTheTempest，showthatatfirstorsecondhandthepoetwasacquaintedwiththeessayist。\"（EncyclopediaBrittanica。）

ThecompanyattheQueen’sfiresidediscoursedofLilly（orLyly），EnglishdramatistandnovelistoftheElizabethanera，whosenovel，Euphues，publishedintwoparts，’Euphues’，orthe’AnatomyofWit’

（1579）and’EuphuesandHisEngland’（1580）wasaliterarysensation。

Itissaidtohaveinfluencedliterarystyleformorethanaquarterofacentury，andtracesofitsinfluencearefoundinShakespeare。（ColumbiaEncyclopedia）。

TheintroductionofBenJonsonintothepartywaswhollyappropriate，ifonemaycalltowitnesssomeofJonson’swritings。ThesubjectunderdiscussionwasonethatJonsonwasacquaintedwith，inTheAlchemist：

Act。I，SceneI，FACE：Believe’tIwill。

SUBTLE：Thyworst。Ifartatthee。

DOLCOMMON：Haveyouyourwits？Why，gentlemen，forlove————

Act。2，SceneI，SIREPICUREMAMMON：……andthenmypoets，thesamethatwritsosubtlyofthefart，whomIshallentertainstillforthatsubjectandagaininBartholomewFairNIGHTENGALE：（singsaballad）

Hearforyourlove，andbuyforyourmoney。

Adelicateballado’theferretandtheconey。

Apreservativeagain’thepunk’sevil。

Anothergoose—greenstarch，andthedevil。

Adozenofdivinepoints，andthegodlygarterThefairingofgoodcounsel，ofanellandthree—quarters。

Whatis’tyoubuy？

Thewindmillblowndownbythewitche’sfart，OrSaintGeorge，that，O！didbreakthedragon’sheart。

GOODOLDENGLISHCUSTOM

ThatcertaintypesofEnglishsocietyhavenotchangedmateriallyintheirfreedomtowardbreakingwindinpubliccanbenoticedinsomecomparativelyrecentliterature。FrankHarrisinMyLife，Vol。2，Ch。XIII，tellsofLadyMarriott，wifeofajudgeAdvocateGeneral，beingcompelledtoleaveherowntable，atwhichshewasentertainingSirRobertFowler，thentheLordMayorofLondon，becauseofthesuffocatingandnauseatingodorsthere。Healsotellsofaninstanceinparliament，andofaratherbrilliantbonmotspokenuponthatoccasion。

\"WhileFowlerwasspeakingFinch—Hattonhadshewnsignsofrestlessness；

towardstheendofthespeechhehadmovedsomethreeyardsawayfromtheBaronet。AssoonasFowlersatdownFinch—Hattonsprangupholdinghishandkerchieftohisnose：

\"’Mr。Speaker，’hebegan，andwasatonceacknowledgedbytheSpeaker，foritwasamaidenspeech，andassuchwasentitledtoprecedencebythecourteouscustomoftheHouse，’IknowwhytheRightHonourableMemberfromtheCitydidnotconcludehisspeechwithaproposal。Theonlywaytoconcludesuchaspeechappropriatelywouldbewithamotion！’\"

AEOLIANCREPITATIONS

Butsocietyhadapparentlydegeneratedsadlyinmoderntimes，andevenintheeraofElizabeth，foratanearlierdateitwasaserious——nay，capital——offensetobreakwindinthepresenceofmajesty。TheEmperorClaudius，hearingthatonewhohadsuppressedtheurgewhilepayinghimcourthadsufferedgreatlythereby，\"intendedtoissueanedict，allowingtoallpeoplethelibertyofgivingventattabletoanydistensionoccasionedbyflatulence：\"

Martial，too（BookXII，EpigramLXXVII），tellsoftheembarrassmentofonewhobrokewindwhileprayingintheCapitol，\"Oneday，whilestandingupright，addressinghisprayerstoJupiter，AethonfartedintheCapitol。Menlaughed，buttheFatheroftheGods，offended，condemnedtheguiltyonetodineathomeforthreenights。

Sincethattime，miserableAethon，whenhewishestoentertheCapitol，goesfirsttoPaterclius’priviesandfartstenortwentytimes。Yet，inspiteofthisprecautionarycrepitation，hesalutesJovewithconstrictedbuttocks。\"Martialalso（BookIV，EpigramLXXX），ridiculesawomanwhowassubjecttothehabit，saying，\"YourBassa，Fabullus，hasalwaysachildatherside，callingitherdarlingandherplaything；andyet——morewonder——shedoesnotcareforchildren。Whatisthereasonthen。Bassaisapttofart。（Forwhichshecouldblametheunsuspectinginfant。）\"

Thetaleistold，too，ofacertainwomanwhoperformedanaeoliancrepitationatadinnerattendedbythewittyMonsignieurDupanloup，BishopofOrleans，andthatwhen，tocoverupherlapse，shebegantoscrapeherfeetuponthefloor，andtomakesimilarnoises，theBishopsaid，\"Donottroubletofindarhyme，Madam！\"

Nay，worthiernamesthanthoseofanyyetmentionedhavediscussedthematter。Herodotustellsofonesuchwhichwastheprecursortothefallofanempireandachangeofdynasty——thatwhichAmasisdischargeswhileonhorseback，andbidstheenvoyofApries，KingofEgypt，catchanddelivertohisroyalmaster。EventheexactmannerandpostureofAmasis，authorofthisinsult，isdescribed。

St。Augustine（TheCityofGod，XIV：24）citestheinstanceofamanwhocouldcommandhisreartrumpettosoundatwill，whichhislearnedcommentatorfortifieswiththeexampleofonewhocoulddosointune！

BenjaminFranklin，inhis\"LettertotheRoyalAcademyofBrussels\"hascanvassedsuggestedremediesforalleviatingthestenchattendantuponthesedischarges：

\"MyPrizeQuestionthereforeshouldbe：TodiscoversomeDrug，wholesomeand——notdisagreeable，tobemixedwithourcommonfood，orsauces，thatshallrenderthenaturaldischargesofWindfromourBodiesnotonlyinoffensive，butagreeableasPerfumes。

\"ThatthisisnotaChimericalProject&altogetherimpossible，mayappearfromtheseconsiderations。Thatwealreadyhavesomeknowledgeofmeanscapableofvaryingthatsmell。HethatdinesonstaleFlesh，especiallywithmuchAdditionofOnions，shallbeabletoaffordastinkthatnoCompanycantolerate；whilehethathaslivedforsometimeonVegetablesonly，shallhavethatBreathsopureastobeinsensibleofthemostdelicateNoses；andifhecanmanagesoastoavoidtheReport，hemayanywheregiveventtohisGriefs，unnoticed。ButastherearemanytowhomanentireVegetableDietwouldbeinconvenient，&asalittlequickLimethrownintoaJakeswillcorrecttheamazingQuantityoffetidAirarisingfromthevastMassofputridMattercontainedinsuchPlaces，andrenderitpleasingtotheSmell，whoknowsbutthatalittlePowderofLime（orsomeotherequivalent）takeninourFood，orperhapsaGlassofLimeWaterdrankatDinner，mayhavethesameEffectontheAirproducedinandissuingfromourBowels？\"

OnecuriouscommentaryonthetextisthatElizabethshouldbesofondofinvestigatingintotheauthorshipoftheexhalationinquestion，whenshewasinordinatelyfondofstrongandsweetperfumes；infact，shewasresponsibleforthetremendousincreaseinimportationsofscentsintoEnglandduringherreign。

\"YEBOKEOFYESIEURMICHAELDEMONTAINE\"

Thereisacuriousadmixtureoferrorandmisunderstandinginthispartofthesketch。Inthefirstplace，thestoryisborrowedfromMontaigne，whereitistoldinaccurately，andthenfurthercorruptedinthetelling。

ItwasnotthegoodwidowsofPerigordwhoworethephallusupontheircoifs；itwastheyoungmarriedwomen，ofthedistrictnearMontaigne’shome，whoparadedittoviewupontheirforeheads，asasymbol，saysouressayist，\"ofthejoytheyderivedtherefrom。\"Iftheybecamewidows，theyreverseditsposition，andcovereditupwiththerestoftheirhead—dress。

The\"emperor\"mentionedwasnotanemperor；hewasProcolus，anativeofAlbengue，ontheGenoesecoast，who，withBonosus，ledtheunsuccessfulrebellioninGaulagainstEmperorProbus。EvensokeenacommentatorasCottonhasfailedtonotetheerror。

Theempress（Montaignedoesnotsay\"hisempress\"）wasMessalina，thirdwifeoftheEmperorClaudius，whowasuncleofCaligulaandfoster—fathertoNero。Furthermore，inhercasethechargeisthatshecopulatedwithtwenty—fiveinasinglenight，andnottwenty—two，asappearsinthetext。Montaigneisrightinhisstatistics，iforiginalsourcesarecorrect，whereastheauthorerredintranscribingtheincident。

AsforProculus，ithasbeennotedthathewasassociatedwithBonosus，whowasasrenownedinthefieldofBacchusaswasProculusinthatofVenus（Gibbon，DeclineandFalloftheRomanEmpire）。ThefeatofProculusistoldinhisownwords，inVopiscus，（Hist。Augustine，p。246）